"..." - In which reality ceases to make sense, and time refuses to exist, at least coherently.

I have a need for answers. 


I can't possibly be human. At least not in most regards, because I don't know jack squat about feelings or social ques or constructs. I couldn't tell you why I did something, nor do I have any predictability, but I'm certainly not very human at all. 
I have no concept of time, no idea what I am, who I am, and probably never will. 
I'm stuck calling myself an Anomaly and everything is so fleeting but I can feel. I can feel under all this... Me. 

I feel (rarely) happiness, (sometimes) sadness,  (often) confusion, and I could probably describe my mental state with one simple, easy to guess phrase. 

I Don't Know.  

You would think that I'd have figured it out by now.

After all that, I'm brought back to time and this post still makes no sense. Maybe chronological order just isn't my forte; 18 is an impressive number, for someone who can't fathom how five minutes ago they were fifteen, and two minutes ago they were five. Eighteen is freedom and grace and glory dumped over the head of an unsuspecting ten year old twenty minutes after they turned seventeen. 
It's like having someone shove ice down your shirt- and it doesn't matter which side of the shirt, either. It's just as jarring either way. 

Additionally, did I mention how reality seems to be slipping out of my grasp? I'm seeing and hearing too many things that were never actually there to begin with, and memories are so well fabricated in my mind that I can't tell real from made up 99.9% of the time. I can quite figure out if what I heard you say as I left the car to go inside my home Saturday night. 
Was that even a real something?
Perhaps it was just a wishful dream my brain came up with. 

Regardless, it's something to consider. 



So tell me. 
Who am I, What am I, Why am I, When am I, 

Tell me it wasn't just a false memory again
Winter's shortest day is almost here, and I can't figure anything out.